If you’re trying to simplify any area of life – health, finances, your closet – you’ve likely come across ideas for cultivating good habits. Want to exercise in the morning? Setting out your gear the night before is a good habit. Getting out of debt? Budgeting and learning to delay gratification are good habits.
I believe that how we do anything is how we do everything so I dig routine and habit. I want be a person who does small things with commitment and focus and patience in order to make big things possible.
I started out the year with a couple big goals that require new habits. Then everything got interrupted and off track and the dog got hurt and the car broke down and the expenses flooded in and time disappeared. Life started happening and the downward spiral began. “I can never do this. I’m always terrible at this.” You with me?
How do we cultivate habits that stick when things get messy?
What do we do when we find habits impossible to keep?
-
GIVE UP.
That’s right. Give up. Throw in the towel.
Do you want to be someone who meditates daily? I do. Apparently all the successful and smart and beautiful and funny people in the world meditate. I want to be those things so I want to meditate. I’ve tried. I’ve bought apps and put it on the calendar and completed 30 day stretches and all the things that make a habit stick. It never sticks. So I’ve given up.
Know thyself. For me, a combination of morning reading, silence and writing is a habit that sticks. It’s not formal meditation, but it works for my temperament and I keep at it. Sometimes you have to give up what doesn’t work in order to figure out what does.
There are lists of rules everywhere for how to form good habits. Rules like:
- Get up early and tackle the most important right away.
- Do it before you check email.
- Prep the night before.
Fabulous suggestions (and the email thing is a game-changer), but here’s where it gets tricky.
- What if you’re not a morning person?
- What if you need to check some things off a list before you have the energy to put on your running shoes?
- What if prepping the night before doesn’t help at all?
That’s ok. Know thyself. Find what works for you.
Finally, keep in mind that often we quit a habit because we really don’t care. We don’t have enough of a “why”. That resolution you didn’t keep this year? Ask why you had it in the first place. If your why isn’t strong enough, chances are it doesn’t line up with your values enough to be worth the action.
-
SHOW UP.
So you’ve thrown out the one-size-fits-all approach and you think you know what might work for you. Now what? SHOW UP.
Schedule what’s important into your day. Show up intentionally and regularly. If you’re waiting for motivation, YOU must show up first.
I want to find the time to write more often. I’ve been looking for the time for about 9 months. Funny thing, the time can never be found. Here’s why.
- I waste time doing dumb stuff like reading the news. We all have our time wasters. What are yours?
- It’s not really the time I’m waiting for, it’s the inspiration.
The trouble is, inspiration doesn’t show up unless I do. Doing good (not perfect) work requires showing up, regularly.
Want to know how to get motivated? Stop trying. Screw motivation. Cultivate discipline. Show up at the same time every day and you’ll find that inspiration eventually joins you.
I’m giving up searching for time and deciding to show up instead. I’m returning to the tools that I know work for me. (More on tools in part 3). I’m going to stop waiting for the stars to align. Currently, the dog is still hurt. The car is still broken. I have a lot of travel coming up and a very full work schedule. Life will keep happening but I’m scheduling the time to show up anyway.
Finally, stop letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. Some days I may write poorly, but I’ll still write. (More on perfection in part 2.)
Ok, your turn! What’s your goal and your “why”? What’s your plan for making progress and showing up?
Maybe it’s 10 minutes a day. Great. Set a timer for 10 minutes and show up. Maybe you’ll walk instead of run. Maybe you’ll stare at the empty page instead of write. Show up anyway. How you do anything is how you do everything.
Jessica - Living with Intention says
I love what you said about giving up. Also, we should give up what we think our habit “should” look like – as you said, perfect is the enemy of good. Meditation doesn’t have to look like a traditional sitting practice that we envision. That doesn’t work for me, either! Instead, I find it easier and much more beneficial to meditate while standing in line. There are always times when we are waiting for something, and meditating is better than checking our phone. Concentrating on the breath, or practicing loving kindness, it will make standing in line enjoyable and relaxing. Anyways, thanks for sharing this great post!
Erin says
Thanks Jessica. I completely agree. Giving up on “should” is a good place to start every time.