A few weeks ago I wrote about cleaning out my closet. Here’s what I didn’t tell you: I didn’t actually clean out my closet. To be fair, I got rid of a LOT (about 70% of what was in there), but what remained was still too much and still left me uneasy.
My relationship with clothing has never been a great one. I like clothes, but I’m not good at them. Like any area of life that makes me uncomfortable or I feel less-than-good at, I stick to my old time-tested habit. Ignore it. Pretend it’s not there. Close the closet door (or curtain, in my case) and call it “as good as it’s ever going to get.”
I appreciate good fashion. I’m embarrassingly envious of that friend I have who always has on just the right outfit for the occasion, no matter the occasion. Tea on a Saturday morning, perfect outfit. Dinner party on a chilly night in the fall, perfect outfit. I am not equipped with this skill. My solution? Quantity! If my closet is full of enough items, I’ll be more likely to put something together that works, right? Sadly, this never seems to be the case, because as Glennon Melton says, “You can never get enough of what you don’t need.”
Earlier this year, inspired by The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, I (mostly) tidied the closet, leaving myself with plenty of options, and walked away proud, thinking, “Nice work! That’s good enough! Let’s not get too crazy.”
Then I left for a trip. Then another trip. Then another one.
Last week, upon returning from a few weeks away and dumping the suitcase contents into the laundry, I noticed a reminder from my friend Courtney that now was the time to start the fall round of her Minimalist Fashion Challenge. I decided right then that it was time to acknowledge a pattern I had been overlooking for years.
I travel a LOT. I live out of a suitcase more than my closet, and thus here is the cycle of my life with clothing.
- Work from home for a few days in my favorite outfits.
- Pack a suitcase with those favorite items, plus a few more.
- Live out of suitcase for a week or two or three or longer.
- Return home, wash the outfits in the suitcase and return to step 1.
So why didn’t I just get rid of the clothes that spent their lives hanging in the closet while I did the suitcase shuffle? For many reasons, but at the top of the list were these:
Fear of being wasteful.
Fear of scarcity.
Fear of “She’s wearing that AGAIN?”
Let’s address these, shall we?
Fear of being wasteful
I bought all this stuff. I paid good money for this stuff. Getting rid of it is so wasteful!
Truth: What’s wasteful is continuing the pattern. Giving away the excess, breaking the cycle, and learning what is really enough is the opposite of wasteful.
Fear of scarcity
What if I have to go to a party and I decide I really DO need that long blue dress? I will regret getting rid of it! 33 items simply won’t be enough. Courtney clearly doesn’t understand MY life.
Truth: There were nowhere near 33 items in my suitcase for the last 3 weeks. I went to almost every kind of occasion and never once thought, “I wish I had brought _____.” Not once. Scarcity is a lie.
Fear of “She’s wearing that AGAIN?”
My friends and colleagues will begin to think, “How many times are we gonna see that skirt?” and I will feel judged and less-than-classy.
Truth: Why do I care so much? Do I really think people will subtract character points because I wore that same black skirt again? If I claim to value soul over skin, I should act like it.
With the fears addressed and the suitcase unpacked, I decided it was time for Project 333. 33 items for 3 months, including clothing, accessories, jewelry, outerwear and shoes. Yes, I said outerwear and shoes. I love few things in life as much as I love jackets.
It took a while, but it was liberating. Here are two immediate takeaways, and I cannot wait to see what unfolds in the months ahead.
Scarcity is not real
Once I pulled everything out of the closet and took the time to go through piece by piece, the abundance was alarming. I had four black sweaters. FOUR. They were almost all the same. Now granted, my job requires wearing black (now you’re wondering if my job is being Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend, right?) but FOUR black sweaters? Excessive. And I didn’t even know I had them. I had more clothes that I ever could have imagined.
A curated closet (and life) is better than a full one
Is the goal of a wardrobe to collect a closet full of clothes? Or is the goal to look good and feel comfortable and confident? I propose it’s the latter. The key to this is not having a full closet, but a well-curated one. Good style is a skill that can be applied regardless of quantity. The same goes for our lives. Do we want our schedules, our diets, our budgets, and our relationships to be full, or to be well-curated? I am starting with my wardrobe in hopes of getting better at working on the rest.
Your turn! If you have a capsule wardrobe, any tips to offer? If you don’t, why not?
Want to do this, but need help getting started?
All the guidance you need is in the Dress with Less Microcourse.
Archana says
I dont know if we are in different places in life. But I wear a uniform of sorts everyday and dont worry about matching and all that. 4 sweaters don’t as crazy. And things do wear out from my experiences with a tiny closet. I hope you store the excess if its of good quality.
But the rest, I agree. Yes to curated closets and lives.
Erin says
Archana, I applaud you for the uniform! Perhaps I’ll get there someday. I think my sweater-alarm moment was mostly a reaction to lack of awareness. Now you’ve made me curious how many other people out there have something similar to a uniform. Thanks for your comment!
rachael says
I wear a bit of a uniform everyday. Summer is a summer dress if I’m going to work or shorts and tee if I stay home. Fall/winter/Spring is always jeans and a sweater. I realized I’m most comfortable in layers, so I’ll put on a t-shirt, and then wear a warm thick cardigan/sweater over top. This works for weekends and workdays. Thats’ it: Jeans and sweater-type top. Easy peasy. If I need something I don’t need to spend time at the store looking at flowy blouses, cowl neck shirts, dolman sleeves, etc etc. I have two pairs of jeans I alternate between and just change out my tops. I have 5 “nice” sweaters to choose from, and I have two hoodies I wear on weekends or errands.
It took me a while to figure out that that is what I like and some people might feel confined to only one “outfit” look but I’ve never felt freer.
Laura says
I have such a difficult time going through all of my clothing. There are times where I would just like to get rid of every single item hanging in all of my closets and start new with 33 items. I feel the temptation to hold onto too many things is far too great. Does anyone else feel this way?
Katie says
The desire to hang onto too many things is why I use the hanger challenge every season. It allows me to visually see what I actually wear so that I can hone in on what things I actually enjoy wearing while letting go of the items that I did not wear. For those items I have a “just in case” fear of letting go of…I have a consideration container where items can stay for as long as I need in order to decide whether to retrieve the item or donate it. Good luck on your journey.
Erin says
Hi Katie. Thanks for this. I’m intrigued by the “hanger challenge.” It sounds like a good plan too.
MicheleStitches says
Laura, why don’t you just do that? Get rid of EVERYTHING by removing it all from your closet, drawers, etc. Then “shop” your own wardrobe. Pretend you are at your favorite boutique and treat each item as something you don’t already own. Try it on. See if it makes you feel great. Ask yourself, “Would I buy this today?” Create a “new” wardrobe “buying” only the things you really love and know you will use. Get rid of the rest without allowing a single feeling of guilt, regret, or remorse. Be FREE!
Erin says
Great idea Michele! The key you hit on here that I think makes the biggest impact is TAKE IT ALL OUT. Taking the step of completely emptying your closet will allow you to see your items differently and ask the hard questions like “Does this bring me joy? Would I buy this right now?” And then you can indeed let go and be FREE. Trust me, it’s worth it.
Dahnuh says
I do, Katie. Totally get it. I’m not a hoarder, but my weight fluctuates. If I spend $ on a high-quality, classic piece, I store it in the garage if it’s only a size or two up or down. I’ve rid myself of classics because they didn’t fit at the time, but once I lost or gained the weight to wear them again, I’d miss them.
lightly lumay says
I don’t know if your condition is medical, so I cannot presume anything. However, if your condition is not medical, I understand. I used to be the same way, but one day I realized that keeping clothing in several sizes was allowing me to continue the unhealthy cycle of gaining-losing-regaining-losing.
My weight gains and losses were a matter of lifestyle for me. When I am living a healthy lifestyle (eating well and exercising), my weight fluctuations are minimal. If I stop, then I start to gain weight, which makes me sad, so I eat more and exercise less. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I started a crazy diet and fitness regime that was successful — until I failed to sustain that level. Then, I would be back to gaining. That spiral feels awful.
Many years ago, I read an article about French women using their clothing as a guide to moderation. If their clothing was getting snug, then it was time to cut back on the desserts, the cheese, whatever. It was time to walk a bit more. Once we settle into a comfortable weight — as a result of sustainable diet and exercise choices — we can pretty much throw out the sizes that are too big/small.
diana says
I have my clothes on a schedule. When it works is way up to the front i wear it. If i keep passing something by, i consider if it’s just the season? If it’s not temperature, then it must be that it’s not comfortable and it gets tossed into the donate bag. But it still gets backlogged so i go thru and set aside clothes i haven’t worn for awhile. If the season changes and i still haven’t pulled it out of the bag to wear then it’s bye bye!
Erin says
Diana, you’ve pretty much described the process I’ve used for a long time. My problem was that eventually the “backlog” was just so much of my wardrobe and I didn’t bag things up like you do. For this reason, the Project 333 really worked for me because having a number to aim for kept me from always saying “I’ll keep this for now and see what happens”.
Paulina says
I feel the struggle is not to only wear 33 items or manage with only 14 clothes i a capsule wardrobe. The struggle, at least for me, is what clothes to incorporate and what to throw out. I have no duplicates, lova almost every item and everything fits. Hmmm…
Daija says
It took me years to get to a small wardrobe, even after a move to a different country did not do the trick. I did a few rounds of Project333 which helped detaching from my clothes but it was Marie Kondo in the end who came to the rescue. I needed someone to turn my perspective from “Can I get rid of this?” to “Do I love it?”. I am currently wearing out what I have and contemplating what I like. Having less so helpful with this.
Erin says
Hi Daija. I totally agree. The entirety of the Marie Kondo method helped me a lot as well with the mental process of what to get rid of.
michelle says
I filled up 4 ThredUP bags during my clean out. Now there is actually space between my hangers and I love every thing that is left over. Getting dressed in the morning is soo much easier. It was all well worth the effort. I did feel guilty that I was being wasteful but I’ve learned my lesson and won’t repeat the same mistakes again. Thanks for your tips. Love reading about your experience.